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Morning Stand​-​Up

from Weak Intl. (2019) by Gavin Castleton



What kind of stand-up is this?
This junior dev is glitchin’
we don’t need to hear you listing
every last code commit and
just list your blockers, bitch
ain’t javascripting shit.
From where I sit I see you cruising Something Awful (maybe Reddit)
Yeah right, I said it:
the data comes out dirty
you got hacks workin hacks,
subverting the stack
crack your whole code up like, “Hold up,
we need to grow the team now”
—yeah right… I don’t think dev is nearly green enough, somehow.

Please bow, get plowed, stop coming at me #junkout
‘bout, “There’s too much space in your designs.”
Space creates the perception of value,
you dehydrated Jake Gyllenhaal!
About face! Don’t bring this weakness to my cubical.

I don’t come to your desk and tell you to make your shit less scalable…
don’t take every pivot personal—
Yeah yeah, you worked at Oracle…
that shit was dress rehearsal!
Everything you know about UX is a theory,
now roll your yoga ball back to that weak-ass SQL query.


from Weak Intl. (2019), released September 10, 2019


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Gavin Castleton Portland, Oregon

Gavin has released 9 solo albums and 8 EPs. Over the last two decades he has performed and recorded with acts like The Dear Hunter, Gruvis Malt, Ebu Gogo, Paranoid Social Club, Sage Francis, Club D’elf, Lex Land, Facing New York, and One Drop.

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