#blessed

by Gavin Castleton

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about

THIS ALBUM IS AVAILABLE AS A FREE DOWNLOAD WITH THE PURCHASE OF ANY T-SHIRT OR SWEATSHIRT (check the "CDs & Apparel" page). Help me afford to tour. Please.

I refer to this album as a "mixtape" because it is a collection of sample-heavy songs and scraps from the last few years woven together somewhat fluidly. Also, it will get you sexual intercourse if you share it.

credits

released 23 April 2014
Do You Right written by moorhaunter and Gavin Castleton.
Key Ring written by C-Gak and Gavin Castleton
All other songs written by Gavin Castleton
All songs mixed by Gavin Castleton, except for Diamonds and Average Man mixed by Brian Cass for Overclock Inc.
All songs mastered by Rob Arbelo

background vocals on Waterboarding and Diamonds by Lex Land
bass on Never Landed by Justin Abene
drums on Never Landed by Brendan Bell
bass on Do You Right and Doom by Gray Robertson
baritone guitar on Average Man by Brian Cass
lead guitar on Diamonds by Chris Mosely
rhythm guitar on Diamonds by Brandon Clemmens
commute samples by DJ HeyBradWhatsUp
drum and synth production on Key Ring by C-Gak
additional production on Diamonds and Average Man by Brian Cass for Overclock Inc.

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about

Gavin Castleton Portland, Oregon

Gavin Castleton toured New England for 15 years in Gruvis Malt (Lakeshore), before venturing out as a solo artist. He’s since released 8 solo albums and 5 Eps, as well as performed and recorded with acts like Paranoid Social Club, Sage Francis, Ebu Gogo, Club D’elf, Facing New York, and One Drop. He relocated to Portland, OR in 2009 and has since toured the US several times with a backing band. ... more

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Track Name: Waterboarding
I know you feel it
rap is wack so I'm back to spittin
middle-aged man never learned to fit in
I'm the one guy who can name the sickness
every other artist talks ass and licorice

yo, I know you feel it
that gnawing, nagging, numbing, blogging, tagging, thumbing, Buzzfeed
streaming, meme-ing, content coma
everything is free but I'm bored as shit

my malaise don't fit in the animated gif
I have feelings that can't be expressed with kittens
even the most freestyled now sounds written
all coalesced into four loud kick drums
uh uh uh - big surprise
what's the new sound, y'all?
Lies
look me in the screen while I look you in the eyes, kid
I'm the last naked voice you'll recognize

I wanna get back into
I wanna get back into
I wanna get back into the water

I wanna get back into
I wanna get back into
I wanna get back into the water

I know you feel it
that runaway science, that greater good
that real thin line 'tween could and should
that nature's end, that irish bull:
that gods are men whose minds are full

yo, I feel the heavy
not prepped for when the levee breaks
no more history, no mistakes
your life is cake
but something is wrong
your artists fail
to write the song
that illustrates this
encrypted love
that we take to
like swine to mud
that Icarus blood
that shoots you up
and wears you out
like fitted gloves
you shackled doves
you mired saints
embrace the canvas
erase the paint
you know this road
can not end well
we'll burn in heaven
you choirs of hell

I wanna get back into
I wanna get back into
I wanna get back into the water

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Diamonds
Once I got this fancy job
I can't lie, I got fat
Once you get a backyard to maintain
it gets hard to go back

I try to pull the pain from the most mundane of places
but it all feels weak:
a wrinkle on my face
a cold sore in the cheek

but if you stack the world on my back,
if you squeeze the eyes from my head
I'll still make those diamonds, diamonds, diamonds
diamonds 'til I'm dead

Call it what you will:
a changing of the tune
a pepper in the mill
a salting of the wound

so now it takes a week to write a song about writer's block
and all I do is watch the clock

but if you take the soup from my bowl,
ya, if you take the love from my bed,
if you take the hope from my soul
well I'll still give you diamonds, diamonds,
diamonds 'til I'm dead
diamonds 'til I'm dead
I still make those diamonds, diamonds, diamonds
diamonds 'til I'm dead

[blazing solo]

Is it wrong that there's nothing wrong?
Without conflict is it still a song?

Should I take the money and stand still?
Should I trade the wind for the trees?
Or can I bear the weight with my will?
Can I break the world on my knees?

all for those diamonds, diamonds, diamonds,
diamonds 'til I'm dead

I still make those diamonds, diamonds, diamonds,
diamonds 'til I'm dead

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Big Triggers
No matter how far you think you've come
there is a trigger for every gun
and you'll shoot and shoot and shoot
until your fingers go numb.

Sometimes love will creep up on you like a rainstorm
you'll be going out for ice cream then you're soaking wet
and ice cream is something no one should draw pain from
but there it is, a lightning bolt in your mint chocolate chip.

You'll be driving with your foot stuck out the window on a highway in Texas
you see a beautiful sky freckled by a million hot air balloons
you hear shouting and a frenzified honking from somewhere behind you
when you pull over love's chomping on the bumper with its very biggest tooth - it's the truth.

Well you could be relaxing in a Nanosuit,
locked in a steel cage,
in an underwater lair
with a pack of stingrays
with the laser-mounted cannons
and the self-destructing salmon
on patrol outside,
and not a minnow in sight.

But of course you'll start to think about
what would happen if the stingrays were to duke it out with a woolly mammoth
in the megafaunic battle of the century
and WHAM!
you're caught in a loving bear trap
wrapped in a grizzly suit.

No matter how far you think you've come
there is a trigger for every gun
and you'll shoot and shoot and shoot
until your fingers go numb.

There's no winning her back,
there's no right thing to say
there's no skipping ahead,
there's no running away
There's just love and the hole that remains when it leaves you one day.

Sometimes love will creep up on you like a birthday
you'll be brushing your teeth, and then you're 30 years old.
And you can try to wiggle by it but your hair grays
and soon enough clumps of love are chillin' on your pillowcase.

You'll be shopping at a PriceRite for some things to cook a dinner for a new friend
you'll be excited 'bout this sort of healthy diet that you've got yourself on
you start to bloat from these adulty kinds of things that got you feeling like you're starting to get headstrong
you turn the corner and love hits you as the world's biggest aisle of parmesan... cheese.

No matter how far you think you've come
there is a trigger for every gun
and you'll shoot and shoot and shoot
until your fingers go numb.

There's no winning her back,
there's no right thing to say
there's no skipping ahead,
there's no running away
There's just love and the footprint it leaves when it steps on your face.

So you tell her that you're moving on
but you've told her so with another song
'cause the bittersweet nostalgia triggers on.
Track Name: Liquid Truth
Don't you wonder how you got stuck in this loop -
working for the paycheck that you use to buy the suit
you say, "Well, I just got paid and my money's all gone…
fuck the rent, tonight I'm buying liquid truth.”
Heyeyey

Don't you wanna go back to life before the job?
Yeah, you were broke but at least you weren't choking on the fog
and the older I get, the less I remember the plan
It's easy to lose track of time when you're putting in time for the man

Don't you wonder how you got stuck in this loop -
working for the paycheck that you use to buy the suit
you say, "Well, I just got paid and my money's all gone…
fuck the rent, tonight I'm buying liquid truth.”
Heyeyey

Don't you find yourself taking work home… to the bar
and don't you ask yourself, “Ya how the fuck I get home with no car?”
and don't tell her you’re a musician, just because you're looking to score.
And you look deep in the drink and you speak the truth, "Yo, bottle: I shoulda spilled my life on the keyboard like dadadadaaaaa…”

Don't you wonder how you got stuck in this loop -
working for the paycheck that you use to buy the suit
you say, "Well, I just got paid and my money's all gone…
fuck the rent, tonight I'm buying liquid truth.”
Heyeyey

you gotta get up
you gotta get up
you gotta get up
you gotta get up

Don’t you ever ask yourself, "Did I take this job or did this job take me?"
Don’t you ever ask yourself, "Did I take this job or did this job take me?"
Don't you ever answer, "I'm a piece of shit”

Don't you wonder how you got stuck in this loop -
working for the paycheck that you use to buy the suit
you say, "Well, I just got paid and my money's all gone…
fuck the rent, tonight I'm buying liquid truth"
Heyeyey

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Average Man
Now when I was a young boy, 
‘bout the age of five 
my teachers told me
I could be the greatest man alive 
they told me I could change the world
be whatever I wanted to be
there was no one in the world like me
every one of us was so unique

I’d not be an average man
no sir, I’d be no average man  

so I had those big dreams
and I had those big skills
had a reason to live
and I had some time to kill
but the world got louder still
yeah the world got louder still
it tried to drown me out
it tried to break down my will

“Get out my way, I ain’t no average man”
I was thinking so much bigger than the average man 
they flood my feed with all these useless lists
while I was curing cancer with these nonstop hits
so I was bitter towards the average man

then I hit my thirties like a bird against a window
I couldn’t reconcile the two disparate versions of me:
on the one hand was this man in search of comfort
and on the other was this meta-superhero I could be 

maybe my eyes were never big
maybe my head was small
the man who knows his place
may be the greatest man of all 
I found freedom in obscurity
and purity in poverty
why try to be amazing in a world so saturated with amazingness? 
it’s blazing us
exhausting me, 
I wonder what it’s costed me,
the price I’ve paid for baby boomers 
propping up my self-esteem,
I should let go of all these scripted, movie-lifted dreams
and seek solace in my species 
as an average man
I’ll pay admission like an average man
I’ll raise a family like the average man
I’ll rock the hairline of an average man
I’ll binge on Netflix like an average man
I drop a remix like an average man
I crowd-source it like an average man
I’m hyperbolic like an average man

I only iterate like an
Track Name: Gavin Castleton & Ebu Gogo - Never Landed
Everything you love will die.
Track Name: Mailbox
you know.
Track Name: Gavin Castleton & moorhaunter - Do You Right
Don’t know how else to put it to ya
it’s not about what you are
and even if I could feel something when you speak to me
grasping the idea’s a little hard

Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now
Right now

Right now I could lead you on
make you think I’m all in then be gone
I’m saying it’s you, my dear, that I’m running
It’s just that right now, you know, I’m a little numb

Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now
Right now

Don’t fault me baby
I just wanna hold on to you
just wanna hold on to you
Love to love you, baby
but I can’t see it through
I just can’t see it through

Don’t fault me baby
I just wanna hold on to you
just wanna hold on to you
Love to love you, baby
but I can’t see it through
I just can’t see it through

Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now you know I just couldn’t do you right
Right now
Right now

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Doom
They say depression is a weight that pulls you down
but to be honest I've not found that to be true
it grabs me by the lungs, it tries to lift me off this planet
chewing up the final threads that connect me to you

and I've been running out of things to keep me grounded
I'm having trouble finding love that makes me stick
with every song I try to run it down
before it runs me through
everybody's talking ‘bout progress
but all I see is

Doom
it follows me around
it drips into my shoes
I feel like I'm the only one who sees the future as a noose
I got them future blues, Satan

If you don’t know what I’m going through
I can try to spell it out for you:

Sometimes the sinking starts just thinking ‘bout my cel phone
I wonder how I have so many friends but feel alone
I notice how I feel so weightless when it’s left at home
and how I fill up every space with content that doesn’t leave me content

I start to spiral down through thoughts of population boom
perhaps the cancer starts the second that we leave the womb
it seems the more we’re extricated from the food chain,
the more creative time we have
but the less we have to say
it’s all

Doom
it follows me around
it drips into my shoes
I feel like I'm the only one who sees the future as a noose
I got them future blues

I understand it now
how a man finds himself on a water tower
raining down helter skelter
sell the whole house for the underground shelter
feel the storm comin
I can’t stand still enough to
stop my mind running
I see it play out
this song is a bread crumb, a toast to the empire
enjoy the smell of meat while my feet in the fire
I know I’m not preaching to the choir
whatever

I know you’d rather dance than understand the wiring
truth is overrated, reality is tiresome
cling to the twos and the fours
dance like I’m talking about how young we are
sounding like Fun.-loving folklore
ignore what I’m saying while I desecrate the #blessed dance floor
hard to articulate the great white fate
the end coming nearer
the writing on the mirror
says

Doom
it follows me around
it drips into my shoes
I feel like I'm the only one who sees the future as a noose
I got them future blues

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Get Blazed (feat. Mufasa tha Golden Face)
I don't know if I still have it in me - another hit song
you want the heat, I got that wrong kind of chimney
my export is busted
you’re neck tortoise mustard
the absurd sounds profound when the wordsmith is trusted
only desperate men will trade a rhyme for a message
Now who'm I gonna blame when I have the least invested?
when the cattle car gets AC, the battle scars fade
a master of the blind is just a fancy kind of slave
the god of rap is stingy if the sacrifice ain’t made
so step into the realm and get blazed
Track Name: No Swagg Blues (feat. Justin Crawford)
I killed this boy
(I killed this boy, ya)
I shanked him well
(I shanked him well, ya)
I blazed this boy
(I blazed this boy, ya)
I taught him hell
(I taught him hell, ya)
Dude tried to step to me online
(he tried to step to me online)
I let him see in my mind
he looks around
he’s saying, “Oh shit…
I’m just a bitch”

He tried to run
(he tried to run, ya)
that boy tried to hide
(that boy tried to hide, ya)
I called him out
(I know you work for Sprint, you weak ass bitch)
and I broke his stride
(ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya)
I gave him one chance to apologize
but he just kept right on lying
that’s when he learned that you
don’t
step
to
Gav
Caz
on
Twitter
Yeah.
Track Name: The Easy Life
I'm barely here
I'm barely here
my skin's so thin
the fluorescents shine right through me
Can they see how close I am?
like an abscess leaking fluid
How many people in this store
are just about to lose it?

I ran up to the counter
like a man who's on fire
crying out to the pharmacist,
“Give me something to make the world smaller…
something to make the world smaller…
I need something to make the world smaller for me.”

‘Cause I just can't handle this easy life
gotta find something wrong just to feel alright
I just can't stand this easy life
am I afraid of love, or just love a fight?

Oh no

Lately it seems so easy
to get paralyzed by the size of things
(oh no, no no)
my soul’s agoraphobic,
I can't find a light to shine in the night of things
(oh no, no no)
I need a motorbike or a puppy
some gravity to turn the tide of things
(oh no, no no)
it's so easy to lose your narrative
when you question the wrong and right of things
(ohhhh)
When I think about
all that pain I caused
to the girls I’ve loved
and the friends I’ve lost
I wonder how I ever sleep at night…

I guess I just can't handle this easy life
gotta find something wrong just to feel alright
I just can’t stand this easy life
am I afraid of love, or just love a fight?

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Puppy Love
Love has 4 legs and a nose that’s never dry
and those never-wandering eyes
of the most forgiving hue

some day I’ll learn to be open as your ears
and as quiet as your tongue
as persistent as your tooth

but ’til that day I’ll watch you’re every move
while I’m wiping up your youth

It must be puppy love
‘cause I’m cleaning up that piss again
It must be puppy love
‘cause my shoes are chewed to bits again, yeah

I wasn’t looking for much
just something to hold me down
And that hamster didn’t need me enough
so I put him in the ground [after he died of natural causes, come on]

Though everyone around me told me not to play the fool
I couldn’t help but throw myself into my father’s shoes

It must be puppy love
cause I’m cleaning up that poop again
it must be puppy love
cause clumsiness is cute again
it must be puppy love
I’m freezing while you sniff the world
it must be puppy love
you’ll choke yourself to catch a squirrel (idiot)
it must be puppy love
I’m paying for this free-range food
argghghgh
it must be puppy love
‘cause everything just makes you puke

I don’t what it is
that makes me love you like this
when all you give is teeth and piss
I know that’s not fair, I know
you also bring a houseful of hair, too
I just… I just wanna choke you out
ok ok, you’re just a baby you’re just a baby now
I get it you just wanna play with me now
well how bout we wait ’til daddy is fully awake
I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell
let’s get you back into your cell
and it puts the lotion on its skin
Track Name: Gavin Castleton & C-Gak - Key Ring (feat. C-Gak)
When I was 29 I had one key left on my key ring
I packed up 13 boxes, sold some gear, and threw out most things
I tetris-ed my whole life into a car and drove out to Portland
Now it’s been 5 years and somehow I’ve got a full key ring again.

Is there a reason I accumulate a house full?
Is there a need to fill whatever space I’m in?
Have I forgotten what my measure of success is?
Nothing will hold me in the end

I will consolidate my life into a backpack
I want to liberate the feather from the wing
I want to liquidate the contents of my closet
so I can just let go of everything
everything everything

I recognize there’s so much privilege in the impetus
to throw away the big advantages my parents handed to me
but privileges and happiness are not synonymous,
freedom from the food chain can be a source of misery

I’ve seen the poorest people wear a bigger smile than
anything my manicured mouth has ever shown
I’ve seen the richest people wander aimless and alone,
searching through their toys, living life in the cel phone

I think we’re gonna see the most ironic reckoning
for disregarding lessons of the humble and the meek
as loud as I’ve been in my life, I know the truth is
the less a person says, the more they have to teach.

I will consolidate my life into a backpack
I want to liberate the feather from the wing
I want to liquidate the contents of my closet
so I can just let go of everything
everything everything

[repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Murmur (Backyard remix)
When the sails of your tall ship
match the stillness of the water
from the petals of your small lips
falls the flower of our daughter

and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back

When the bugs in the tall grass
fan your face in the hot sun
you will walk down the rock path
touching moss with your thumb

and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back

When the crackle of an old creek
takes you back to our backyard
cutting ribbons from your daydreams
bowing presents from your scars

and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back
and you smile the whole way back

When that sunset through the oak tree
paints a leopard on the vast earth
you will wander in your bare feet
to this old heart murmur
Track Name: One Steel Door
Maybe there's just one last door between your lover and your heart
maybe it was forged from the most impervious stainless steel and hinged on the most expensive parts
maybe you will wait your whole life for someone to unlock it
maybe they will
maybe they won't
maybe you're wrong about which side of the door the keyhole is on
and that's the most important part