Get all 18 Gavin Castleton releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Kingdom, Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me), Weak Intl. (2019), The Punchline EP (2016), Travelight (2014), It Was the Worst of Times, It Was the Worst of Times (2014), #blessed (2014), Tangerines (Single), and 10 more.
1. |
Bugguts
03:20
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Right now I wish I was a cockroach
so when they finally get in
they wouldn't see me on the ground
you know, they always stare up and to the right,
but never look down
I would just scurry scuttle by the wall,
around their lazy feet and out the door
and have the planet to myself again -
find my inner peace with exoskeleton
I feel so little on the inside
but my skin is persistently life-size.
I think my body wants to get us caught
to match the outer with the inner rot
It wants to stand forever in this non-life,
always looking up and to the right
at this landscape consisting only of swallowed flesh,
unswallowed flesh, and happy bugs
I have one flare left in the gun,
I’ve got the wooden stool I'm sitting on,
I have a ratty blanket and a bottle of whiskey
and the only reason I'm still breathing's
so intent on leaving me
she walked into the Undead Sea all alone
When she left I stood a monolith:
slow breaths - the oxygen economist,
but from my toes there sprang a mutiny
recruiting every organ as it rose in me
rising 'til the very last cell is caught
from my Southest gut to my Northest thoughts
This fit is tidal like the climax only her hands can give me
and I can't stop it.
I'm just air in the lung of a volcano -
the pulse clear, the heart myopic
Twenty years of ego regurgitating
with pride as a fist around my throat
puffs me out like the fish she loves,
rattling my frame as I'm praying out her name,
“Jenny, I want to love this low
'cause it shows me how high your high is
but when you force me to see
the whole amplitude of love like this
I know it's too much for my tiny heart
I wanna live to lick your skin again,
but I can't taste that far
Jenny, I want to love this low
'cause it shows me how high your high is
but when you force me to see
the whole amplitude of love like this
you've seen all the bug guts I can show.
This frequency of fits has cracked my walls
so will I walk or will I crawl...
and lick the bottom of it all?”
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2. |
Coffeelocks
04:10
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She walked into the shop
and the windows broke,
the coffee crashing down
as this angel spoke
I might've survived if it weren't for her eyes
that were eating mine up
she wanted a job so I brought her the forms
with my eyes held shut
Was this love?
I wondered cause I'd never been
so absolutely Jello-ed by a girl
Was this love?
What other reason could there be
when such a little thing could break a world?
Was this love?
I knew that if she didn't get this job
then I would never know
Was this love?
so I told the boss that I would train her thoroughly
from head to toe
On that day
in my heart
a castle rose
a mansion fell apart
Love with us was such a waking up
warm and foggy as a coffee mug
a burning thing
full of steam
learning us
savoring
I walked into the shop
expecting nothing but “no's”
rubbed my bleary eyes
last night still on my clothes
Then I stopped in the door ‘cause I'd seen him before,
my tongue suddenly thick
but I needed a job so he brought me the forms
like a conjuring trick
Was this love?
This déjà vu was turned into a pinball
ringing in my tilted head
Was this love?
I couldn't understand how he had jumped offstage and landed here instead
Was this love?
so I case the place for inspiration on the walls
and then my coffee cup
Was this love?
as I tried to think of clever things to say
to make him look back up
On that day
in my head
movies played
of things he said,
constantly rewinding,
nothing there to remind me
that I don't believe in love
Love with us was such a waking up
warm and foggy as a coffee mug
strong at first
best served fresh
beautiful
at its worst
Yeah
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3. |
Warpaint
04:58
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The first time we met outside of work,
this can't be a date
I dared you to get fat with me
these kinds of things have no name
When it was clear that we weren't gaining weight
just hints of what could be
we moved on to another game
Watch
there's no difference if I win or lose
each piece
I watch your face betraying every move
while I
it’s so impossible to concentrate....
catch your queen
when every game ends with the stalest mate
We built our love on a black and white chessboard
and for six whole months stirred cocoa
with tongue swords
If you build your love on a black and white chessboard
then there’s a very good chance
that you’ll always be at war
So from all these games on all these dates
a Castleton extrapolates
a tempo set - the speed of chess,
and secrecy in every thing that we do
And if it leads to war or falls to peace
I don't think we should cut retreat
This Sunday game of sparring hearts
is waking up my sleeping parts
If you build your love on a black and white chessboard
then there's a very good chance that you'll always be at war
Yes we built our love on a black and white chessboard
as we stirred hot cocoa with six-month-long tongue swords
Then one day I came to see him painting the walls
when we ran out of things to say
we grappled our way down the hall
covered in war paint
Our lips crushed like armies
under the rule of two love-consumed enemies
Our clothes fell like thrones
to the coup of our shaking hands,
the game was thrown when we moved out of battle stance.
We fell to the floor in the throes of our war dance
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4. |
Sugar on the Sheets
04:53
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These toes are hungry
like new baby birds
uncurled to feed from
my mothering lips
These ankles scatter
from teeth like a herd
they need the friction
of coarse fingertips and...
I nurse these nervous legs, take pride in my work
these thighs are twisting their escape from your slip
I speak in tongues because I don't have the words
I breathe religion on your shivery hips
I will decide
You will decide
when you come in
when I come in
my trembling tide
my second skin
I will decide
You will decide
the fall and the rise
of this wondrous sin
Your eyes are fastened on me, Captain-like, and cruel
my belly/eclipses them in waves of slow air
try to hold you safe, like Lu in a pool
locking my fingers in your octopus hair
but you won't be stalled
and you won't be fixed
you're trolling your thumbs
up past your ribs
standing me up
scolding their tack
teasing along the sheer of my back
and you're tossing me fore
turning you aft
a tongue to an ear
a port to a raft
a tempestuous pitch
a pummeling pride
the surge of your stitch
your mastering guide
You will decide
I will decide
when I come in
when you come in
my unsettled skin
my second tide
You will decide
I will decide
the fall and the rise
of this wondrous sin
obey the metronome of this breath
and the meter of these teeth
taste the salt in the sweat
and the sugar on
the sheets are keeping time with this breath
and the meter of these teeth
taste the salt in the sweat
and the tempo that we keep the metronome...
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5. |
Stampete
05:11
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Like a hormone hurricane we became a force,
with the carnal carnage of our braided legs
and our twisting hips,
coursing through its course
We staggered in at the staggered times but the scent was clear
and your face was flush
you let your fingers linger on my back
whenever I passed near
stealing looks through the lunch rush
I tried to kiss you in the stock room
but you brushed me off - so professional
so professional
you made me pounce when I got you alone
back at my mother's house
you got repaid in full
Yes, I got paid in full!
A year goes by, it's the summertime,
and we're private beaching in the evening
with the furry black kid
and we've got some sneaky fingers
and some twine-y toes
and they are reaching out to form a giant squid
On our knees in the surf, wrapped in sand,
with the waves crashing,
and we're laughing and laughing and laughing...
On the boardwalk home I joked about it ending in marriage
but you were like, "No, that could never happen, baby..."
And as time goes by
you start to entangle yourselves
it feels safe to settle for the cards you were dealt
the living braid of two hearts in the shade of youth
why would you ever untether this parachute?
Then at the summer's end I left home for school,
Transalantic miles between me and you
I crossed that ocean twice to claim what's mine
but all I saw of Scotland was your bedroom view
I remember tugging you 'round the swimming pool
down in Florida when you came on tour
Yeah, but wasn't it the night before
that you made me sleep so apart from you on the hardwood floor?
Years later, when you lived with me,
it was hard, at first, to share a nest
and make our spaces talk,
but what we couldn't fix in our shared cocoon
could be macheted on a jungle walk
And as time goes by
you start to entangle yourselves
it feels safe
to settle for the cards you were dealt
the living braid of two hearts in the shade of youth
why would you ever untether this parachute?
And as time goes by
you start to entangle yourselves
it feels safe to settle for the cards you were dealt
the living braid of two hearts in the shade of youth...
let’s kick it
Put your feet on my feet
keep your eyes on my eyes
cue the band
chopping hands
arms at ninety degrees
march in place, soldier bear
it's a curious dance
in your serious pants
with your unbending knees
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6. |
The Onslaught
02:44
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7. |
The Wall Starts to Give
03:40
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There's something out there
I heard a chewing sound
The cattle are scared -
they're stomping around
This is the safest place to hide,
just stay calm - we'll leave when all is clear
I don't know why they're still outside
This feels wrong - they know that we're still here
They gather and swarm the barn where we hid
As light hits the farm, the wall starts to give
I know you don't believe in God, but I do,
and he's not here with us
Please don't leave me here to watch them take you
I'll shoot you if I must
They're coming
They're coming
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8. |
Layers
02:59
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You slam the door
now they're coming towards us
I try to point us to the road
but it's just pointless
I push the pedal to the floor,
burning rubber through the cornfield
In the rows are many many more
Makin’ zombie yogurt with the windshield
I'm so relieved when we finally make it to the trees
crowned by the sun rising in the east,
but you are just a blank, frozen in your seat,
eyes of a lemur, ghostly as teeth
I try to pull you close, tell you it's alright
You slap my hand away, bracing for a fight
We made it to the car, both without a bite,
but you will never find the end of last night
We drove beyond the towns we knew
but never saw a soul
I hope you're satisfied -
you brought me back a stuffed penguin
so I guess it's fine that I almost died
You couldn't wait to try to save her
while I played the bait you just snuck outside
They couldn't hear your feet ‘cause she was screaming,
she was meat before you stepped inside
her house was beat - we knew that from the street
but you just simply had to try
You lost a friend
but in the end, it was only me that cried
you couldn't hear me
maybe 'cause you were so deaf with pride
You think "concern" is just another word for compromise
Well the barn is dust so we have to drive
Now I can't decide:
I'm afraid to be alone and I’m afraid to be with you
It's a sudden truth that I can't deny
We parked nearby a grocery store
as stark as one could be
and dangling from the entrance door
a severed arm inserts the key
Can we stay here for the night?
We'll just tuck the car out of sight
I was wrong to leave you alone -
I thought it was strength but I should've known
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9. |
Unparallel Rabbits
03:22
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I guess it couldn't last -
this burrow that we keep,
this haven from the feast
We hear them in the day
we see them in our sleep
you said you wanna leave
You want to see the world
and figure out what's left
I know what I saw I want to rest
We got breakfast cereals galore
but you say the milk's gone bad
I'm thinking, "Is that a metaphor?"
You say what at first felt safe,
now feels trapped
and making love in this place
is just a tribute to the past
but I have no complaints -
I block out the screaming
with the sound system found in the back
I say the problem isn't us
it's a world insisting on itself
but you insist there's no health
to be found just eating off the shelf
You put your hand on my heart
and push me back a little
like you want to be apart
or maybe want to make it start up again
Baby, I know that I'm starting to act just like them...
numb,
spent
I feel verbally inept
I can't say the reassuring things that you need me to say
so I just say, "It's killing us to fight this way,"
and you reply,
"What killed us was a succession of ordinary days"
And I resent the past tense
I wanted to defend the thing
but now we're hearing shots from the roof
and here this clean army boy drops through the vent,
calling you by name!
If this is rescue, then why'd you look ashamed?
There is no greater pain than the misaligned break -
the varied healing tempos of the giver and the take
and here I'd suffered at the thought of her on her own
but all the while myLove had been servicing the telephone
There is no greater pain than the misaligned break -
the varied healing tempos of the giver and the take
when you can't syncopate your process
with the one who leaves,
you focus less on your direction
and more on your speed
I see blood and gore
and love turned war
You want to see for yourself?
Baby, what for? What for?
He hands me a flare gun
I promise to join them soon...
There's shooting on the roof,
a chopper taking off,
the pungent smell of rot
I look up in time to catch one fall into the shop -
she didn't close the hatch!
Gnashing in a pile then rising to its feet,
I fire into its teeth
This one is just a scout!
In a few short breaths the ceiling's raining mouths
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10. |
Red + Blue = Yella
03:20
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Like the dream that used to scare me as a kid
where my head is not in concert with my feet
which are just sliding on the checkerboard beneath
making bloody angels at a tugboat speed
I see blue for a second
just before the second wave falls through
and it's the only sky I've seen
since we made this barricade of dog food
Then in a flesh flash flood it's covered up
and it occurs to me
that I’m about to get my check cashed
'cause there is a dead mass deposit of teeth
I see one way out and one way in
and I the spitting image of my father's sin
The trouble with the first is that it's teeming with them,
the second is a place that I have already been
I see one way out and one way in
and I the spitting image of my father's sin
The trouble with the first is that it's teeming with them,
the second is a place that I have already been so
what should I do? Head for that blue?
Well I guess I stopped screaming
when my feet got a grip on the floor
I threw a whole shelf of tuna
at the three between me and the front door
I saw red ribbonnettes
blossom out from the head of the undead
by the time I could blink I was blinded
and before I could scrape off the violence
I was kicking at the deafening silence, “Please!”
There's just one way out and one way in
and I the spitting image of my father's sin
The trouble with the first is that it's teeming with them,
the second is a place that I have already been
There’s just one way out and one way in
and I the spitting image of my father's sin
The trouble with the first is that it's teeming with them,
the second is a place that I have already been
I see one way out and one way in
and I the spitting image of my father's sin
The trouble with the first is that it's crawling with them,
the second is a place that I have already been so
what should I do? The red or the blue?
To help me decide... a gash in my thigh!
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11. |
Oregon...
03:58
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How'd I get here? What is this -
tattooed on my stiffening wrist?
I taste sulfur smoking upwards
whirling towards my loose teeth...
I'm so tired... I can't sleep...
Just outside they wait for me
I can't fix these things - these empty dry legs
I've stopped bleeding, there's only violence in me
I have sisters safely in their homes
far from this, thick with kids not nearly grown
groaning forth from everyone outside:
colorless hopelessness from blackened eyes
I take with me the only thing I've learned:
lovers leave, fighters lose, all things will burn
burning fear - the poison in my bones
paralyzed, horrified to be alone
a lonely drain on everyone I know
Oregon! Oregon, my home sweet -----
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12. |
Beetlemeet
02:20
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Foolish Castleton, wake up! Try again!
That was not a happy song!
What about your Lu? What's a son to do?
Who will love him if you're gone?
If you're gone! If you're gone! If you're gone! If you're gone!
Sing, sweet ladybugs, take these tiny hugs!
You have saved me from hyperbole! MMMmmmm!
I was sick with love - that's what hiding does!
I deserve another fantasy for my health,
and the art of my heart
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13. |
The Human Torch
05:01
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This is the sound of finding you
after the night I've just been through
and I didn't know my heart could work so soon
This is the sound of finding you
when it was all that I could do
to keep me from slowly losing touch in that room
This is the sound of finding you
returned in the 'copter on the roof
Your face is more grin than nose and chin
like you saw a chimp tucked in a suit
We're smelling our smells,
now we're tasting our taste,
and we're touching our touch
conversing in guts and toes and such
I was in a bad spot there for a few
locked up in a room with a horrible view
I thought that I was bit but now I don't think it's true
It looks more like a cut, not so much of a chew
I'm sure I'll be fine if I give it some time
from the hullabaloo
I was about to turn to something drastic
then I found my backroom music
With a gentle perfect sound track
everything starts to make sense
I soaked the quilt in alcohol,
propped it on the stool against the wall,
lit it with the final flare,
and I left with it over my head
I loved with abandon in every direction
and hugged every last one with smoldering affection,
then gathered a pile
and climbed it in style to the roof,
and you were there
in your moccasin boots
(and so was army dude)
But as soon as we got high enough
I ejected that fool with a shove!
Now at last we're alone
and we're cutting through the sky
towards our home
(it's an island home)
It's a tree house somewhere,
we're a jungle affair
with a porcupine fence
and we're so present tense
and with long days and short nights,
we laugh at the highlights
and dance with the fireflies,
stomping the sand, burritos in hand
and we’re sure/shore as the tide at our feet.
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14. |
Credits
03:13
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There was no helicopter,
there was no great escape,
there was no supermarket,
no screaming car ride,
no zombie chase
You lied about the way this went
You're stepping in your wet cement
I had no other place to go -
this remedy is all I know
But have you grown?
The truth of where I am is hard to take:
I'm living in the house of my mistakes
But have you ever made a place
to truly call your own?
Is this you/me holding on or letting go?
There is no clear agenda,
there is no safe retreat,
there's just the lengthy process
of filling in the you-shaped hole in me
And if I'd known it would end up this way,
I'd have got you hired anyway
Home is not the place you dwell,
Home is where you see yourself.
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Gavin Castleton Portland, Oregon
Gavin has released 9 solo albums and 8 EPs. Over the last two decades he has performed and recorded with acts like The Dear Hunter, Gruvis Malt, Ebu Gogo, Paranoid Social Club, Sage Francis, Club D’elf, Lex Land, Facing New York, and One Drop.
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