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Product Team Offsite

from Weak Intl. (2019) by Gavin Castleton



Ya’ll product meetings suck!
You hacks leave me baffled,
so slack jawed I wanna smack ya’ll with a laptop!
I’m up on Tumblr while you corporate clowns bungle up priorities,
preach on market fit without authority.

“Your spreadsheet is boring, B”
Keep that junior dev team quarantined!
Feed em sprint points rather than a proper raise—
kind of funny CS dummies go to code camp but can’t get Agile for the wage blaze.

We can settle this like men
in the ping pong den.
Yeah, yeah “P-I-N-G” for serve—we both know how it’s gonna end:
me: not a single sleeve rolled up
and you? Disheveled, unkept, soaking through your Trunk Club.

Go ahead and drop that topspin trash, B!
They call me “Backboard” because nothing gets passed me.
Now hobble back to your ergonomic ivory tower
and let me jump on Slack to let the team know that you’re still wack, coward.


from Weak Intl. (2019), released September 10, 2019


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Gavin Castleton Portland, Oregon

Gavin has released 9 solo albums and 8 EPs. Over the last two decades he has performed and recorded with acts like The Dear Hunter, Gruvis Malt, Ebu Gogo, Paranoid Social Club, Sage Francis, Club D’elf, Lex Land, Facing New York, and One Drop.

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