Marketing Team Sync​-​Up

from by Gavin Castleton

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lyrics

Gather ‘round marketing clowns, raise your kombucha to this doofus
dropping a 5th white paper on the website like he’s ruthless!
Featuring the most toothless headline since we plugged that Series D
(can’t wait to get the traffic stats and see how sad the truth is).
All three of you: stay useless! Embrace that “intern” status!
Keep that social profile poppin’, keep those ghost-wrote blog posts dropping!
Pop quiz, hot shots: how many actual leads read this corporate blog?
Answer: Go make another pot of coffee, you hapless prawn!
Oh shit you made a promo video from stock footage? #yawn
When you gonna learn to use only approved branding?
Let me be candid, yo: this slide deck looks like GeoCities—nice try, though
(you might’ve buried the lead a bit on that journalism degree).
I haven’t seen errors this egregious since the Wicked Bible!
I haven’t seen a font this weak since Avatar!
Sure, let’s try adding more fields to that form capture, watch that bounce rate sore!
99% of what you do is just a Workflow in Hubspot…
the remaining 1% is your garden variety MarCom jargon crotch rot.

credits

from Weak Intl., released September 10, 2019

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all rights reserved

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about

Gavin Castleton Portland, Oregon

In addition to releasing 8 albums and 8 EPs of original material, Gavin Castleton is the keyboardist and backing vocalist for The Dear Hunter. Over the last two decades he has performed and recorded with acts like Gruvis Malt, Ebu Gogo, Paranoid Social Club, Sage Francis, Club D’elf, Lex Land, Facing New York, and One Drop. ... more

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